Memories of Christmases Past – A Story of Frogs

This morning I had a Facebook conversation with a writer friend, Carolyn Wilker. She had posted a picture and comment about her Christmas tree and its decorations. We ended up listing the variety of ornaments we had on our Christmas trees and shared a little bit about the stories behind them, as she said, “Stories of love on our Christmas trees.” I told her that there was a story for every decoration on my Christmas tree. Here’s one of them.

Between 2001 and 2010, Tom, an old high school friend who later became my husband, was a part of my life.When I first started dating my Tom, I noticed he had a small collection of frogs in his home. I began looking for other frogs to add to his collection and bought him a colourful, whimsical frog as a decoration for our first Christmas tree. So began a new tradition.

Each Christmas, a new shiny frog was added to the tree to celebrate another happy year together for us. Each one was unique and different and acted as a symbol of our love and time together.

After six years of love, we were married. Just before our fourth wedding anniversary, Tom was diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer. Seven months later, just before Christmas, the cancer took Tom’s life.

We had ten devoted years together. Ten frogs on the Christmas tree are a reminder every year of that fulfilling love that I shared with that wonderful man.

The Death of Shame

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.”
~Ann Voskamp

While scanning the menu choices for viewing on my TV last night, I came across an international award-winning documentary called “The Apology” by director Tiffany Hsiung and producer Anita Lee for The National Film Board of Canada on TVO.

It’s a story of the 200,000 young girls and young women who were kidnapped by the Japanese Imperial Army during WWII and taken to “comfort stations” where they were forced into military sexual slavery.

The shame that these ‘comfort women’ carried with them after their release was silently carried for decades until enough of them were encouraged to reveal the truth and begin a path to healing and recovery with their families and their governments before their stories were lost forever as they passed on.

The story is told through the eyes of three elderly women; Grandma Gil in South Korea, Grandma Cao in China, and Grandma Adela in the Philippines. The shame and guilt these women carried for so many years and their bravery and determination to tell their stories and gain a formal apology and compensation from the Japanese government before they are gone is heart-breaking and inspirational.

Through sharing their stories with other victims and finding the courage to finally reveal their hidden truths to their families and those close to them, these women are beginning to find healing and gain international support. In 2014, Gil Won-ok traveled to Geneva, Switzerland where she delivered 1.5 million signatures to the office of the high commissioner of human rights at The United Nations demanding redress to the victims of wartime sexual slavery.

Through telling their stories, past transgressions are brought to light and hope is given to those who survive. When shame, judgement, and blame are set aside it makes room for understanding, healing, and love.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
― Brené Brown, ‘Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. Do these words strike terror in your heart?

Over the years I have helped friends and family to downsize and start anew with a smaller home. Now I am trying to minimize my own belongings. Not because I have any visions of moving but I see the inevitability of it as I age. I would like to start now.  I have found that decluttering happens in stages.

Stage 1 is easy. To toss, sell, or give away those clothes, pieces of furniture, knick knacks and collectibles, extra dishes and other belongings that we haven’t used in years or have no need for any more in our forseeable future is really not that hard. In fact, it may even be an easy and quick process.

Stage 2 begins to get a little more difficult. We now are dealing with those things we own but never or rarely use with the statement, “I may need this someday.” I no longer fit into that beautiful dress but I will lose that weight and it will fit me again. I may need those extra dishes and linens when family come to visit. I may read those books someday. That china plate is just too beautiful to part with.

A long-time friend that I helped move three times over the years found it impossible to part with antique collectibles, fine china, her sterling silver sets, because of her emotional attachment to an earlier financially richer time of her life. Even though she never used these things anymore and would not be using them in her future, she was caught up in what they symbolized to her. They meant she was worthy. She was valuable.  To part with these kinds of belongings needed encouragement and loving negotiation from family and friends.

Stage 3 is the most difficult of all. Now we find ourselves having to part with things that are sentimental to us or have wonderful memories that we connect to the object. To depart with these things is like throwing away pieces of our selves. We don’t want to do it and we may not be ready emotionally to do it. If we have the space to store it, then perhaps we will hold on to it a little longer. Sometimes we have no choice and things have to go. There just isn’t room for it.

This stage of purging takes a lot more thought and deliberation. It means we have to answer deeper questions about ourselves and who we truly are. It can be painful. But it can also be freeing and edifying. As I lighten up the load of my belongings, life becomes more meaningful. Who am I? Why is that so important to me? Does it really represent who I am today, now, in the present? Does it really add to my future and my future self?

This past summer, my daughter, an interior designer, helped me to refurbish and renovate a cluttered back sun porch. Things I had been storing for years, for a variety of reasons, finally found a new home or were thrown away. Collections of glassware were re-evaluated. Only the choicest pieces stayed and found a more suitable place in my home. My wind chime collection now hangs in my outdoor garden. My daughter chose one little wooden robin from my larger collection and placed it prominently on the top of a new shoe cabinet. With one beautiful little piece, she highlighted its beauty and it acts as a simple single symbol of my past.

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. These words can make your life simpler and more meaningful. Get rid of that stuff. You may end up feeling lighter, less burdened, and more yourself than you have in a long time. Live your new life with joy. Make some new memories.

A Canoe Community

The pandemic has changed me and my life. When life was put into lockdown, all of us had fewer choices and changed attitudes. Safety and “what is left for me to do” became my prime concerns. So Harold and I who had started fishing in the first summer of the pandemic, decided to get a canoe the second summer, to enable us to fish on the water rather than solely from shore. Our knowledge of canoes and kayaks was very limited. We entered a whole new world.

What surprised me the most about it was the deep sense of community we found among paddlers and their eagerness to share their knowledge and resources. My friend, Rosslyn Aird, an avid paddler for many years was the first to share her skills. We had a private on-land lesson in types of canoes and kayaks (she must own at least a dozen), paddles, personal flotation devices, safety equipment and, the most important, lifting, portaging, and transporting a canoe. A couple of weeks later, she met us at a local lake and we had a private on-water paddle to get used to boarding, debarking and staying afloat without tipping the boat.

Another friend, Michel Godbout, another avid paddler, was generous in sharing resources to get us started on our journey as the world was still in lockdown and equipment wasn’t readily available for purchase. This involved foam supports and tie-downs. Rosslyn (Lyn) lent us paddles and PFDs so we could start.

Many friends and fellow paddlers gave us advice as to what kind of boat to look for (canoe or kayak), what kind of roof racks were available and what would be our best choice to suit our needs. We decided we needed a good sturdy canoe that could take a bit of a beating without damaging it. It needed to be at least 16 feet long, 3 feet wide, made of a durable material, and it had to be light enough that we could handle it ourselves for transportation.

I put up some pictures on Facebook and sent out a request, “Anyone know of a used canoe for sale?” Friends and family started sending us notices. That first day, friend Leslie Howarth told us her husband just might have a canoe for us that would meet all our needs.

We had a couple of visits to see Jeremy Shute and we made our choice. We had our canoe! Jeremy repaired the caned seats for us and was very helpful with loading the canoe for the first time and answering all our questions. He is also an avid paddler with a big project on the go that he shared with us.

“Speed to Sea” is a personal challenge and project that began back in the summer of 2017. Jeremy, Lesley and friends and family are paddling from Guelph’s Speed River to the Atlantic Ocean. It’s happening in stages. Each year they complete a part of the journey and then pick up where they left off the following year. This summer, on August 12, they will be starting in Cornwall, Ontario and will see how far they get in their two week journey. You can follow their progress on the “Speed to Sea” Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/speedtosea. There is also a YouTube video of their project at https://youtu.be/uONvf_FAEiE.

Thank you Rosslyn Aird, Michel Godbout, Lesley Howarth, Jeremy Shute, and all our friends and family  that have contributed to us becoming members of the paddling community. We love our red “Old Town” canoe, all 16’4” of it!

A Sit Spot

A Sit Spot — “A sit spot is simply a favourite place in nature (or looking out a window at nature) that is visited regularly to cultivate awareness, expand senses and study patterns of local plants, birds, trees, and animals. The practice supports mindfulness, builds routine and increases focus.” (www.wildsight.ca)

My friend/dancer Colleen Frances, introduced me to this phrase. She took a beautiful picture of me on a beach in Costa Rica before our morning dance class began, when I was just sitting alone, prayerfully, gratefully enjoying the morning sunrise. She told me that if we do this, pick a spot each day, the same spot, perhaps the same time, and then just open our senses to what is happening around us, the birds and the animals begin to expect us and things begin to happen. Things we would never have noticed if we hadn’t sat silently and expectantly are wondrously noticed by us.

We Are Wildness (www.wearewildness.com) says the five qualities of a perfect Sit Spot are “it is close, it has nature, it is solitary, it is safe, your attitude.” Any spot can be a perfect Sit Spot, even if it doesn’t appear that way at first.

Once we’ve chosen our spot, Colleen used the phrase RAW — Relaxed body, Alert mind, Waiting spirit, to describe the mental conditions we use when we sit at our ‘Sit Spot.’

My photographer friends often use this means of getting that perfect and unique photo. Stu McCannell, a skilled wildlife photographer, told us that the birds and insects and other animal life around us have habitual patterns that we can use to get that perfect shot. The Kingfisher returns to the same perch overhanging the river or the dragonfly has a favourite blade of grass or leaf to return to. In my garden, I know when to expect the robin for its nightly bath in my small pool.

My artist friend Suzanne Dyke, loves to sit in ‘plein aire’ and paint what she sees in front of her. Sections of my books have been written after sitting, contemplating nature and my own thoughts.

Choose a Sit Spot. Visit it every day. First, just sit, in quiet and alertness, watching and listening. You may be inspired to paint that picture, write that journal entry, take that photo, or it may just relax you and fill you with wonder at our beautiful natural world we have around us. “Stop and smell the roses” as they say. You’ll be better for it.

(Photo – Colleen Frances)

Four Seeds in a Hole





During this pandemic and the stay-at-home orders, I have started gardening in earnest. My daughter Brittany came to live with me last summer and together we transformed a back weed lot into a beautiful garden of flowers, flagstones, and a fountain. We learned a lot about seeds and plants, soil and watering (I’m still learning) and the practice of horticulture. Many small creatures; bees, insects, spiders, birds, groundhogs, squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, and rabbits have all visited our little haven and together, they have taught us many lessons about living in harmony with nature.
 
I have come to a realization that there is a whole group of gardeners who live by the philosophy of trying to live in an ecological balance with nature in their gardens. Natural means of diverting animals are used, such as planting marigolds or using raised beds and chicken wire fences.  Insect pests are washed away with soap and water or hand-picking instead of chemical means. Growing plants that are native to the environment and planting seedlings that are non-invasive is encouraged. Rather than trapping or killing animals, there are those that choose to use other means such as a scarecrow or simply planting enough so that both the animals and humans share in the garden’s bounty. I have come to see the wisdom of planting an abundance of seeds rather than a few, knowing that many of them will be lost to natural means.
 
The whole experience has brought to mind a little folk song I used to sing with my little grade 1’s when I was a teacher.

“Four seeds in a hole,
  Four seeds in a hole,
  One for the mouse,
  One for the crow,
  One to rot,
  And one to grow.”
 
Know that the essence of the natural world is abundance. One yellow dandelion head will yield over a hundred seeds, a female frog will lay over a thousand eggs, one pine tree can grow into a forest. Accept, too, that life gives and life takes away. Not all that you plant will yield a crop. Other creatures may eat it as a food source so that they may have life. Some seeds will not germinate and will rot in the hole.
 
We humans are a part of nature. There can be enough for all if we learn to cultivate and share what nature gives us freely. Gardening offers us an opportunity to connect with nature and find our balance with all living things. What we do to the land will ultimately affect our lives in the long run. Let us learn to live in harmony and ecological balance so that all life may thrive. Gardening can teach us that.

Thank You, Brittany

Yesterday, my daughter Brittany, returned back to her own apartment after a four week visit. We both live alone and she works from home, so it was a wonderful time of bonding once again. Last summer she came to live with me for 16 weeks and together we built a magnificent garden in the back yard restoring a weedy lot into a showcase of flowers, flagstones, and a fountain.

I was glad she was here this spring and together we enjoyed running out to the garden to see what secrets were sprouting from our plantings last year. We were happy to see so many of the perennials return, bigger and better, and we were able to enjoy the garden so much earlier this year with minimal weeding and pruning. This year, she helped me plant some more: a red peony, new lilies, delphiniums, dahlias, cosmos, Star of Bethlehem, creeping phlox, a planter of various herbs, as well as adding many bright coloured annuals to the mixture. New seeds and bulbs got planted and we’ll see how they do: sunflowers, scarlet runner beans, and gladiolas.

She also did so much work inside my home, adding her skills as an interior designer to many areas.

My office has been transformed from a cluttered and busy site to a comfortable and pristine workplace. She stripped wall coverings, re-plastered and sanded, then painted all the walls a beautiful shade of blue. She organized and re-designed the books and frames and knick-knacks down to a well-ordered, trim, and efficient space that still reflects my personality and interests.

Years ago, when I was looking after my daughter’s cats while she travelled the world for years, the cats decided the old wooden door frames in my home were great scratching posts. The cats are now gone but the damage remained. Brittany decided she could restore them back to their former glory and started researching how to do it. As a surprise to me, she sanded and re-stained seven doorways and frames.

She drew up blueprints for my back sun porch and we now await our contractor to create the space with new cupboards, ceiling, light fixtures, and flooring. We already have waiting the new laminate flooring, a beautiful carpet, a bench, a shoe cupboard, and a new mirror.

I can’t thank her enough for all that she has done for me. We both realize that the universe came together in so many ways, the biggest being the pandemic, to give us both the opportunity and time to be together and build on our relationship in my home.

Brittany, I love you and thank you for doing so much for me. You are generous and hard-working and have a beautiful spirit. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Coronavirus Anniversary – March 11, 2021

One year ago today, a world pandemic was declared. We all figured it would be over in a couple of weeks and how great that we could work from home, there was no school, our regular obligations were now on standstill. It felt a little bit like a declared holiday. Little did we know how long it would last.

The pandemic has been difficult in many ways — the social isolation, the fear and anxiety, the loss of jobs and income, and sickness and death. We lost everything that we had considered normal. Our new normal became mask-wearing, social distancing, regular hand washing, and staying home and away from family and friends as much as possible.

And yet, the pandemic had some benefits for me. I was given the gift of time, quiet time for myself. It made me reassess everything in my life. I used to zip around like a spinning top; attending my aqua fit classes, going to my writing and photography clubs, visiting friends and babysitting grandchildren on a regular schedule. Suddenly I was released from all of that and it made me really look at how much I was doing in my life because of a sense of obligation or guilt.

With COVID restrictions, life slowed down. I began to walk more with my camera in hand. I discovered my own neighbourhood in a new way. I was able to stop and listen to nature around me. I appreciated family and friends more as we made time for each other with phone calls, FaceTime and/or social distanced visits. Those visits became special and cherished. I began some new hobbies and pastimes. Fishing, walking, cooking, gardening, board games and reading became favoured activities. Life had fewer options but I valued them more.

Now, one year later, with the promise of vaccines and the coming of spring and warmer weather, we are given some hope. We have a chance for a new beginning, to live a different life as we go forward, one where we make better choices for ourselves and our world. Let us remember the lessons we’ve learned about what is truly important in life and let’s let them affect our daily lives in the upcoming future. And, most of all, may there be hugs, millions and zillions of hugs.

Journals – Many Different Forms

The beginning of a new year can be a great opportunity to start a journal. I have kept journals ever since my teen years in one form or another. A journal doesn’t have to be a daily jotting down of your day’s activities, although it can be. They can take many forms and I have many different ways of recording my life.


Since the pandemic was declared March 11, 2020, I have kept a daily log of my activities and whereabouts in red pen on a big calendar on the wall. I figured it would be a good way to see how often I really did exercise or see family and friends and it would be good for contact tracing if I ever needed to do that. I didn’t think it would last this long. I’m still writing in red pen every day.


Photo journals are also a way of documenting your life. I take a lot of photos in my life, sometimes for creative expression, but also to chronicle my own life. I love creating photo essays with pictures and short explanations to look back on my days and events. This year I started my “Coronawalk” series to record my frequent walks in my neighbourhood and nature areas. It’s wonderful to look back on them and relive the memories.


For many years now I have kept a reading journal, listing every book I read and recording the author, a short summary, and my own * rating. I don’t know about you but I have trouble remembering titles and authors when I try and recall a good read for a friend. Now I have my trusty reading journal to check and refresh my memory.


I travel a lot (or used to before the pandemic) and I have always kept a travel journal, recording my day’s activities and the names of places and people as I go. It helps me keep track of the days, where I’m going and what I’m doing, and also to remember unusual names and spellings.


I do also have a more traditional journal notebook beside me at all times but I use it in less traditional ways. Yes, I use it to write about my day filling it with my spontaneous thoughts and responses. I also fill it with quotes I come across in my reading, summaries of information in my research, quick interesting facts, and names and numbers of people I want to remember, as well as births, deaths, marriages, and other special events so that I can always check back for specific dates and other information. This is also where I record my dreams, meditations, gratitude, and creative ideas. My journals fill up fast. I have a stack of them all in different shapes and colours in my bedside table.


My Facebook writer page and WordPress blog was started in November 10, 2014, before the publication of my first book “10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss.” My first entry said, “Hello followers. I have created this page to share musings, ideas and other writings that contribute to understanding, encouraging and uplifting each other in this path we call life.” On my Facebook writer page (www.facebook.com/barbaraheagywriter) I have continued to post something every day for the last six years. I see it as a form of journal, a way of expressing daily gratitude or fears, not only for my readers, but for myself. I post at least once a month on my blog. Sometimes I want to impart some good information about reading and writing or sometimes I just want to post a funny meme or joke for a good chuckle or laugh. I enjoy writing them and I hope you enjoy reading them.


As you can see, journals can take many forms. Do you journal? Tell me about it.