On Children

This past week I was surprised by an email from a former student of mine who I had taught in Senior Kindergarten and Grade 1, 14 years ago. She is now in her 2nd year of university and was in the same city as me and she wondered if we could meet. We had a fun-filled and lively lunch and a thrift store visit for several hours and talked non-stop. We both were so excited and happy to see each other. It was wonderful to hear the influence I had on her as a teacher, even at such a young age. She has grown into a very outgoing, confident young woman. One never knows the direction children may grow as they mature into adults. We plan on seeing each other again.

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.

FOMO or What a Busy Summer!

What a summer it has been. COVID restrictions were lifted and the world went a little crazy. We all jumped into our new found freedom like lambs let loose into a spring pasture. Everything that had been cancelled for up to three years during the pandemic was suddenly happening and I didn’t want to miss a thing.

It was a whirlwind of travel, concerts, visits, day trips, and events. At times it felt a little busy with the constant packing and unpacking, driving, and crowds but I kept going as I knew it would be short-lived. Summers are short in our part of the country. Fall comes way too soon. It wasn’t just me. It seemed my friends and family all had that condition known as FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and plans were made for constant activity throughout the summer.

I have hardly been home since June. The month started with the Orangeville Jazz & Blues Festival, the Writers’ Festival at Wellington County Museum, an Ed Sheeran concert in Toronto, and my Photo Club Picnic at a local park. It ended with a week-long trip to a beautiful resort in Vermont with some of my family.

My Writers’ Club continued to meet every Thursday and we had a barbecue at one of our homes early July. My family went camping at Killbear Provincial Park and we joined them for a couple of days and took in the 30,000 Island Boat Tour. My friend and I attended the Weiner Dog Races at Grand River Raceway in Elora. Such fun and so many laughs! We went to the Orangeville Rib Festival and I spent 5 days camping and volunteering at the Hillside Music Festival with my family. I also drove a total of five hours so I could attend my granddaughter’s first birthday party.

In August, I had a ½ day turnaround to get ready for 9 days of house-sitting at my brother’s lakeside home up in Bancroft (it was SO relaxing), followed by a few days to cut my lawn, pull some weeds, attend a meteor shower party with friends and then head out to Cape Croker for 5 days of camping and a traditional powwow. I visited friends who live in Lion’s Head, went Nia dancing on a local beach, and visited a local gallery The Art Shoppe as well as a local artist’s studio. I managed to have some time with another friend and we went to a sunflower farm in Ariss, the Kitchener Blues Festival, the movie Barbie, and the Guelph Ribfest.

It’s now Labour Day weekend, the traditional end of summer and I finish the summer off with my grandkids and friend at the Orangeville Fall Fair. Whew! It makes me tired just writing about it all. My grandson hopes we will get some fishing in too.

I really thought things would start to slow down in September. In fact, I was looking forward to it. My poor garden is alive thanks to all the rain we had this summer but it sure wouldn’t win any prizes and I haven’t written anything new for my upcoming book in the last three months. It’s wonderful that my summer has been so full of fun activities but after the isolation and quiet of the past three years, the constant activity has felt a little overwhelming at times.

September is already starting to fill up. I have four lunches and a dinner planned with family and friends, two theatre events, a short overnight get-away, and a three-day stay with family to help out with my new granddaughter. There’s a photo club field trip and lunch on the books and a local festival with family. Things do not seem to be slowing down.

I sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. I’m very grateful for my family, my friends, my health, and the opportunities to do so much. Life is full. I just wish the cup would empty once in a while before it gets topped-up so quickly. Perhaps I can start sipping at it instead of chugging it down. It’s all a matter of choices and control, isn’t it? It wouldn’t hurt to miss out on a few things and start prioritizing my daily activities and find some restful time to slow down and contemplate life once again. I relish that. Maybe it’ll happen in October.

Cottage Morning, Waterhouse Lake

I have just returned from the most restful, relaxing vacation I have ever had in my entire life. We had nine lovely days at my brother Peter’s and his wife Sharon’s lakeside home in Bancroft while they vacationed in Italy. Thank you, Peter and Sharon. Here’s a story I wrote in remembrance of our quiet days of peace and rejuvenation.

Cottage Morning, Waterhouse Lake by Barbara Heagy

They wake me. Their calls are wavering across the lake. I open my eyes and raise the window blind. I see them. They have arrived once again with daybreak. Normally, their eerie calls are short-lived, wild wails, mournful modulations, but this morning they have something more to say. Their talk continues and I get up and go out to see what all the commotion is about.

Five adult loons splash about on the water, dive and recover, hoot to each other, and flash their wings with a tail rattle that sprays droplets into the morning mist. One of them begins to run across the surface, churning up circles of water, wings flapping, as it prepares for takeoff with a running start. Then up, up into the sky, it circles the lake and lands once again with a smooth coasting splash to join the others.

Again, the cacophony continues. Laughing, chortling, a breaking yodel of bird voices, they are a playful party, a mad choir in 5-part harmony. What are they about this morning? We have seen these five this week but never like this. Their song and play goes on for almost a half-hour. Such beauty to the eyes and ears as they romp about in the rising mist. Then, it seems the gathering is over. One by one they retreat to further shores and the lake is quiet once again.

But nature is not done celebrating. The flowers are full of morning dew, reaching, straining to catch the warming sun as it rises in the sky. Orange, red, yellow, pink petals call to the hummingbirds, “Breakfast time.” And they come from their tree-top nests hungry and ready for a new day. There are at least six of them. Although it is difficult to tell. They flash about, whirling and twirling doing aerial acrobatics that amaze and dumbfound as they juggle for space at the three feeders that my brother has erected for them. Extremely territorial, they claim their space boldly and unendingly. It is a dance as they gyrate, and do-si-do, spinning like little helicopters, zipping and zinging as they chase each other back and forth. They are blazing whirligigs, shimmering jewels with iridescent green feathers and ruby throats. Tirelessly they fly about all day long, entertaining and amusing us with their wondrous circus act.

I walk down to the dock, coffee in hand, and just sit. And watch. A small little head pops up just off-shore and I know that the local turtle is checking me out before it dives back down into the cool, deeper waters. This morning there are three of them, one much bigger than the others. The small ones are painted with hints of orange and yellow on the edges of their smooth green backs. The larger one might be a snapping turtle but he seems to mean me no harm. After all, this is his home and I am just a visitor. A quiet one at that.

My fishing pole is sitting on the dock, daring me to make a cast, see if you can catch a fish it says. Harold did. The first day, his third cast, he latched onto a rather large pike. He called out to me, “Bring the camera” and I ran down to the shore, barefoot and eager to see what he had on his line. “Wait, wait until I’m ready. Okay, bring it up.” Snap went the line, swinging like a wet noodle in the empty air. But “Look. He’s right there in the water.” We peeked over the edge of the dock to see a good two foot pike just sitting there in the shallow water, stunned perhaps, a lure still stuck in his mouth, unmoving. For a moment, I looked away, then back, and he was gone. That fish gave us hope. Where there’s one, there will be another. But although we fished every day at different times of the day, we never got another bite. I try again this morning, but to no avail. It’s fun and a challenge just to try; balance a rod in your hand, release the reel, swing your arm and line back, snap it forward and watch your lure soar over the surface and land with a plop in the water with a perfect aim, right where you wanted it to be. Turn the reel handle, the bail clicks, and the line returns smoothly, slowly back to you, cruising the underwater depths as you hope for that sudden yank and taut line that signals a fish has taken your bait. But not this morning and that’s okay.

I turn from the lake and head back up over the dock. A morning glimmer catches my eye. At the edge of the dock where the platform joins the walkway, I see a beautiful web, full of dew and glistening in the sun. I take a picture with my camera, mesmerized by its perfect symmetry and intricate patterns. I turn and then I see another. And another. And another. The shallows are full of shining spider webs, caught between grasses and weeds, woven wonders that thrill and delight. This one looks like a giant suspension bridge strung between thin reeds. That one looks like the glowing sail of a ship. There’s one that looks like a slingshot full of sticky strings ready to nab its prey. One of them connects grassy stalk after stalk with flowing, drooping, connecting lines, moving like interlocking tightropes that flow on and on above the water. Such beauty.

I chase the dragonflies hoping for a photo. They have their own agenda, gliding, bouncing off the surface of the lake, avoiding the sudden slurp as a fish rises hopeful for breakfast. Sometimes they land on the dock or the shoreline grasses. They allow me a quick glimpse into their transparent beauty, wings like clear stained glass windows, bodies of vibrant colours, red, green, turquoise.

I return to the patio and take a seat. I am learning to just sit and wait and watch. Nature will provide some quiet spectacle. This morning, it’s a little more than that. A flock of noisy grackles arrives in a burst of squawking birds, sharp calls, and flapping wings. There’s about thirty of them. They fly about from grass to trees, chasing each other, in zig-zag lines of chaos and clamour. They upset the other birds. The flickers in the tall spruce jump from branch to branch, piercing the air with their high-pitched squeal. This is their territory and they seem fearful of these invaders. The blue jay, guardian of the forest, calls out warnings in its ear-splitting scream. The grackles continue to chatter and chase, owning the space. I stand and move toward the lawn and they retreat to the next door neighbour’s grassy areas. The other birds slowly settle down.

I walk to the base of the flickers’ tree and there on the ground is a small gift, a bright yellow, brown and white feather, a wing feather perhaps, knocked loose in the fearful kerfuffle. A few more steps and I find another prize, a blue jay feather, indigo and black, tipped with a shot of white. I say a little prayer of gratitude for this morning performance where I was granted a free, front row seat.

I breathe and count my blessings, thankful for these moments of rest and relaxation full of nature’s quiet drama and wonders. I close my eyes and lean back. Time for another coffee. Perhaps in a few minutes.

The Bonding Power of Music

“Music has a bonding power, it’s primal social cement.”
~Oliver Sacks

There we were. Our bottoms planted on the upper bleachers of the stadium, the roof of the dome wide open, the sky and stars above us, surrounded by 50,000 people sharing in a symbiotic joyful experience with internationally acclaimed musician Ed Sheeran.

I thought about the great effort we had put into getting to that show. My daughter Lara waited online months before to ensure getting a pair of tickets for the two of us. We had left hours earlier the day of the show and fought traffic for 2 ½ hours in a jammed commute that should have taken 1 hour. Searching busy streets for parking, walking cement ramps and stairs to get to the top level of seating in the huge Rogers Centre, hunting for food and washrooms. Waiting in lines with hundreds of other people. It was quite the effort. It wasn’t easy. But, oh, when we were finally there and the sun was setting and people were gathering, and the stage was glowing with colourful visuals on giant screens. Excitement was building!

A countdown began, . . . 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, . . . and the music exploded as the concert began. As the evening of great music progressed, I thought about the energy Ed and crew were putting into his 2 ¼ hour live show, sharing his talent, his tunes, and his very spirit with us. Inviting us to participate with him, cheering, clapping, screaming, singing, dancing. I looked at the gigantic set of cranes and screens, and listened and watched the high tech’ output before me and thought about the amount of creativity and work that had gone into creating this experience. For all of us. Not just the audience.

I realized that a live performance of music is a true coming together of creators and participators. We each had done our part to be there that night and communally participate in an experience that uplifted and bonded us together as one. For a few hours we all escaped our normal lives and were taken out of ourselves as we came together for this magical union. Connected. The same heart, the same spirit. Music has the power do that.

Google Yourself – Be Surprised

Every once in a while, it pays to check yourself out on Google, especially if you are an author/writer. In 2015, I published my book “10 – A Story of Life, Loss, and Life” through Balboa Press, the self-publishing branch of Hay House Publishing. This week I checked my book out online and found that it was offered on many sites throughout the world.

You can order my book through Google Books, Chapters Indigo, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon where it has a 4.6/5 rating. It’s available in Kindle, paperback, or hard cover versions. What surprised me the most was you can also order it through online companies around the world: Waterstones (England/Wales), Thrift Books (USA), Booktopia (Australia), adlibris.com (Sweden), libreriauniversitaria.it (an Italian company based in El Salvador), Rakuten Kobo (USA) and the French Friac.

That’s heartening to know that my book is still out there and available to so many people. It’s not making me rich but that wasn’t the reason I published it. This was a book to honour Tom, my deceased husband, and to offer hope and comfort to others who may be going through a great loss themselves.

Of course, you can always come out to Wellington County Museum & Archives this Saturday, June 10, 11 – 4, and buy a signed copy in person from me. Hope to see you there. https://www.wellington.ca/…/wellington-county-writers

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words

Spanish painter Salvador DALI. “Dali Atomicus.” 1948.

For the last month I have been working on my presentation to my Photo Club titled “Photography and Storytelling.” It’s been fun and enriching to research photos, memes, and photo essays and learn how photographers consider a number of elements to create pictures that tell us a story through methodical and deliberate compositions.

One of the most interesting and imaginative photos that I came across was this one of the artist Salvador Dali taken by photographer Philippe Halsman in 1948 titled Dali Atomicus.

This photo was taken before digital photography and photoshop. The props needed to be suspended with wires, the chair was held in place by an assistant, three cats were thrown into the picture along with a bucket of water and Dali had to jump into the air, all simultaneously at the appropriate time. It took 28 attempts to get this iconic picture that indeed captures the essence of Dali himself.

Indeed, “A picture is worth 1000 words.”

Who Counts As Family?

I am presently taking a genealogy course to trace my family line. Yesterday we registered with Ancestry.ca and I have begun creating my family tree.

I quickly realized that it seems to be set up for direct blood lines. My family is not that simple. My father passed away when I was 7 years old, mom remarried, and my new dad legally adopted us and, within a few years, I had two new brothers, one passed, one still alive.

My mother and new dad divorced years later and Dad remarried. I now have a whole new family of sisters and a brother, nieces and nephews. Later, I divorced and remarried and, once again, the family expanded.

Doing my family tree, I have asked myself “Who counts as family?” Even though we may not be related through direct blood lineage, my new family members are truly family to me.

From Familyhistorydaily.com – “In our daily lives, family often has less to do with biological or legal connections and more to do with personal relationships. Those people who are intimate parts of our lives, who we love and care for, who care for us, are our family. What makes a mother, father, sibling, child, grandchild is seldom straightforward.”

I’m hoping as I delve further into my family tree that there will be options to break out into all directions. For after all, family are tied together with far more than just blood and DNA. Love and commitment are binding glue that hold us together throughout our lives.

This is Our Time

When I joined the local Seniors’ Centre after retirement, I met many new women and men through the local clubs and activities. This is a place for strong, vital people who want the stimulation and surprises an active life still offers to those who seek it. They are interested and interesting.

The women are feisty. I put it down to having a lifetime of succumbing to other’s needs and demands, always playing second fiddle, and denying their own requirements and desires. Now, at this time of their life, they find themselves released from all those pressures and they aren’t going to do it anymore. This is a time for them.

The men seem chilled, calm. Perhaps they, too, are tired of life’s demands on them to support, guide, lead, be the boss, the one in charge. They are glad to release the reins of power to another. This is a time for them.

Our twilight years offer us a freedom from all the duties and obligations we have had for most of our lives. Children are grown, the nest is empty; jobs are complete, retirement beckons. This is a time for us, a time for women and men to live their best lives. We still have time.

Writing Your Life Story

Back in September 2022, I joined a local Memoir Writers’ Club that meets weekly. The focus is on writing our life stories as an autobiography, written in chronological order.  Jennifer, our group leader, wrote her own memoir during COVID isolation and felt that perhaps others would like to record their life story. She felt led to offer her experience and guide other seniors through the process.

I joined the club because I had a memoir-in-progress titled “For the Love of Food – Family Edition” and wanted the company of other writers for feedback and encouragement. I have been working on my memoir/cookbook for about a year now and am now about ½ way through it. It is unusual, not your standard memoir, but I feel led to write it in this form and am enjoying it immensely.  I truly see food as a love language and I can see how food has shaped my life through five generations of my family. I am aiming to publish it for a public market. I am continuing with my book, in my own way, but I do enjoy our class and don’t mind writing on the topics suggested by Jennifer. My book has and will be taking a totally different form than what she has suggested to other club members but I have still found our class to be of value to me. The stories bring back many memories and are good writing practice.

I think our class is very special. There is definitely a desire for all of us to record our stories. I think the reasons for writing our life stories may differ and, perhaps, some may not even know why they want to write, and yet the need and desire is there. Some write because their family has requested it. Some may write truly for themselves as an assessment of their own lives. We all want to know our lives matter. We want to know we left a mark. We value our memories and want a record of them left behind. Perhaps our families are not the least bit interested in reading them at this time but, one never knows, there may come a day when they are glad to have the stories and the information and memories they contain. I know my own daughters didn’t value their old journals from school but as they aged and had children of their own, now they do. Perhaps some day our stories may be of value and interest and be read by many others as snapshots from the past.

There is no doubt that there is a close bond that has been built in our group. I keep attending and writing, even though I won’t be publishing my stories in the way suggested. I love hearing other’s stories and sharing our lives. I love story! And we all have them. We all think, “I have nothing of interest to others” but, in the end, we do. Sharing our simple memorable moments is a wonderful way to share our lives and identify with each other or learn new things. Even if we all visit Paris, we each will have a unique story to tell about it from our own perspective. There is value in that.

Thank you, Jennifer, for your gentle and encouraging guidance. You have given us an opportunity to remember our lives and share them with others. I have a new group of friends. It’s what keeps us coming.

Mad as a Hatter

I’ve always been intrigued with the history of common everyday expressions and idioms. I came across an article in an online article in Pocket Worthy titled “Everyday Sayings Explained” put together by Stylist Team as gathered from Phrase Finder.

We’ve all heard these phrases which we liberally use in our everyday language — “Hold a candle to . . . The hair of the dog that bit you . . . A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

One such phrase is “Mad as a Hatter.” It originates from the 18th century. Hat makers used to use mercury in the forming of their hats as it bonded the felt into a tighter firmer mat. The mercury, however, was a poison that affected the nervous system of the hat makers and caused them to go mad.

In the book “Alice in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll, the illustration of the Mad Hatter shows a 10/6 on his hat which is the price of his hat, 10 shillings 6 pence. For fun, some celebrate National Mad Hatter Day which is held on October 6.

Google Phrase Finder to find the story behind many more of our common sayings.