So You Want to Write a Book

I decided to write a book. I gathered up my journals, took out what I felt wasn’t needed, added some stories from the past, and had some friends read it and check it over for grammar and spelling and flow. I thought I was almost done.

Then I hired an editor for one last, final check. Little did I know that the hard work had just begun. Months later, with detailed revisions and editing, my manuscript was ready to send to Balboa Press. I thought I was almost done.

Week after week I worked with a new team member of the company setting up my manuscript for digital use, signing release papers for each step of the way, sending in a bio’, extra copy work for the front and back covers, keynotes (my book in one sentence), getting a professional author photo, getting copyright use for that photo, working with a design team through detailed revisions of my cover and interior of the book, reading and re-reading proofs in attentive detail, working with marketing consultants through detailed phone calls with checklists and ideas to self-promote my book. Once the release papers were sent off to the printer, I waited for weeks, and I thought I was almost done.

While I waited, I continued working on my social media platform, making a daily entry to my Facebook page, learning how to set up a blog and writing a weekly entry. I made phone calls, emails, met with people for interviews, approached book stores and libraries for exposure, and talked up my book everywhere I went. I had to buy packing materials, check postal fees, learn how to accept an e-transfer for money and make sure I am always carrying change in case someone wants to buy my book and pay with cash. I designed and ordered a business card and am learning how to build my blog into a website through YouTube tutorials. I am writing speeches for oral presentations on “Self-Publishing”, “Dealing With Loss”, and “Working Through Grief” for future oral presentations with small groups. I am beginning to realize that I am not almost done. The real work of marketing my book has only just begun.

Said by David Baldacci from Nov. interview in Writer’s Digest: “No one on earth is going to care more about your career than you. Not your agent, not your publisher, not friends in the industry. At the end of the day, you need to take responsibility for your career. And I know it’s hard when you’ve got your first book and you’re so excited that you’re like, ‘I’ll let other people take care of the royalties and all that—I’m just so excited, there’s my book on the shelf!’ But at the end of the day, everything matters.”

I have come to realize that “writing a book” isn’t just a matter of putting some words on a page and sending it off to a publisher. A whole new career has begun for me and it is my responsibility to care and put the energy into every facet of the business. But I believe in my book and its message. I am learning so much. I take courses, meet weekly with other writers and learn from pod casts, video tutorials and on-line articles and books on writing. I continue to write every day. And I read, read, read other author’s work. My life is busy but fulfilling. And I have come to accept that with writing and publishing, one is never done.

My Self-Publishing Adventure Continues – The Books Have Arrived!

Barbara Heagy Promo 10 - My Book 005-002

MY BOOKS HAVE ARRIVED! Those who wish to purchase a copy, please message, phone or e-mail me and I will make arrangements to get a signed copy to you. My book, “10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss” is an inspirational memoir/cancer journey/love story, and is available at this time as a paperback, $17 CAN, plus shipping if I need to send it to you.

Books are still available on-line: hard cover, paperback, E-book at amazon.ca, chapters.indigo.ca, bookstore.balboapress.com, barnesandnoble.com, amazon.com.

Reader response so far has been good. Check out this review from Sharon Sinclair, poetryspeaker.com:

“Barbara Heagyʼs exquisite story of love, life and loss is perfectly titled. Through her poignant recollection of ten precious years, many of lifeʼs dramatic themes unfold: birth..death, joy..sadness, hope…despair, denial..acceptance, loss…gain. By inviting readers to participate in the delicate balance between these polarities, we are privileged to share an intimate glimpse into loveʼs extraordinary bonds.

Barbaraʼs gifts as a story teller are readily evident in the skillful way she wraps her audience into her journals with a warm embrace. You will laugh and weep and rejoice in the human spiritʼs victory over death.

For a reader who has confronted cancer, or any other hideous illness, Barbaraʼs poetic account of her own journey will resonate with a healing energy that uplifts and inspires.

With sensitivity and wisdom, Barbara offers advice on how to cultivate a state of grace and gratitude for every aspect of our remarkable lives. Represented by the numeral that has such symbolic meaning for this talented author, Barbara Heagyʼs work scores a perfect 10!”

Also, check out my writer page at www.facebook.com/barbaraheagywriter. If you like what you see, click “Like” at the top of the page or leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

 

My New Book – 10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss

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I am very pleased and excited to announce that my new book is now available.

It can be ordered on-line at amazon.ca, amazon.com, chapters.indigo.ca, barnesandnoble.com, bookstore.balboapress.com in paperback, hard cover or E-book form.

10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss is the true story of a couple in midlife who found each other and then, after receiving a cancer diagnosis, learned to face losing each other. Over the course of ten years, Tom and Barb developed from long-time friends to lovers to committed spouses. In their tenth year, when Tom was given a terminal diagnosis of small cell lung cancer, he faced it head-on, saying, “I wasn’t given a death sentence. I was given a life sentence.” The couple’s love for life and for each other carried them through a seven-month cancer journey with courage, perseverance, persistence, and gratitude. This raw, emotional story is based on the author’s journals. Its honesty and intimacy may inspire and uplift you as you trace their journey. Their story is a reminder to all of us to live life with gratitude and zest, fulfilling all our hearts’ desires in the time we are given.

“10—A Story of Love, Life, and Loss is a heartfelt story of courage and love. When you are faced with the impossible, what do you do?  Barb generously shares her intimate journey, seamlessly flowing between raw journal entries and emails to and from supporting family, friends and community.  Woven in are endearing flashbacks of her and Tom’s love story, as he—her soulmate—slips away from her.  An inspiring story which can be a comfort for anyone facing a devastating challenge. Beautifully, honestly and passionately written.”

Gloria Nye, Spiral Press.

God, Bless You

Last night, lying in bed, saying my evening prayer of gratitude and blessings, I thanked God for every aspect of my life: my family, good friends, a home, the bounty of food we had all Christmas season. At the end of my gratitude prayer I said to God, “God, bless you.”

And I thought, Does God bless himself/herself? If God can bless me, can I bless him/her? And then I thought, Well, what is a blessing?

A blessing is a little piece of goodness that is freely, unequivocally, uncompromisingly, graciously, generously, unconditionally given as a bonus anointing for the self, the soul. It is grace, a tangible goodness that falls with love upon us.

A blessing can take many forms and be many different things to different people depending on our circumstances or our viewpoints of our circumstances.

We actually are inundated with blessings every day: the sun, a new day beginning, flowing water, gentle winds, a quiet glance, a smile, a little favour, a kiss, a hug; that nice thing a stranger does for you for no reason at all, that open door, letting me go first, sharing, seeing, hearing me, acknowledging me, complimenting me.

But we take so much of it for granted. We only see it as a blessing if it’s infrequently given, or given in unexpected abundance.

But I digress. If God can bless me so abundantly, can I bless God?

Yes, I think so. I can do all those things I listed above for others, for the world around me, and every time I do them in action or voice of gratitude, I do it for God. If I can take what God gives me and create something new and give it back as a gift in the form of a baked casserole, a painting, a quilt, a book, a song, a dance, I am putting a new blessing out there into the world. I become a co-creator. I’m sure it puts a big smile on God’s face, the face of the universe, every time that thing of beauty, that good deed, that positive action and energy is put out there.

We can cycle all our given blessings around to others and back to God. It’s called love.

So,”God, accept my blessings. God, bless you.”

Lay Me Down

Karen and I met for tea today. She is deeply grieving her beloved husband who passed away just weeks ago. Every day she visits the grave site still fresh with dirt and flowers.

“I can’t go on. Today I just wanted to lay down right there in the grass and mud and die beside him,” she sobbed.

I told her, “Then you should have. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling, and think what you are thinking. You have had a great loss. If you wanted to lie down right then and there, then you should have just done it. There’s no wrong here. It’s okay to meet the grief head-on and yield to it and your feelings.”

What I didn’t say is this . . .

“As you’re lying there in the dirt, maybe, after a while, you will realize that you’re still alive, and it’s cold on the ground, and you are hungry, and the kids need to be picked up. And because you are still alive, there are things you must do to keep living.

“And when you stand up, you will still be sad and filled with grief at the loss of your husband, but you will go on. Not with him walking beside you, but in a new way.”

Cheryl Strayed, writer, has said, “If it is impossible for you to go on as you were before, so you must go on as you never have.”

Give yourself permission, the right to grieve as long as you need to and whatever way you need to. Rest, pause, from life for a time but then get up, brush yourself off and go on.

“Ah, but the sweetness is gone out of life,” you cry.

You are surrounded by sweetness – the sun beaming down from a blue sky, a child’s bubble of laughter, a fragrant flower. When you are ready to look up, you will see it. Today you are blinded by grief and the painful reminders that you will never have yesterday’s sweetness again. But tomorrow’s sweetness is waiting patiently for you – just up ahead.

(A revised copy of this entry is in “Good Grief People”, authors Barbara Heagy, Alan Anderson, Glynis M. Belec, Ruth Smith-Meyer, Donna Mann, Carolyn Wilker.)

The Story of Christmas

The story of Christmas, the birth of a baby, conceived by God within a young, unmarried girl’s womb is a story of simplicity and magic.

Jesus came to be in the most natural, simple way – a regular birth to young parents who must have been afraid and unsure, simple people just looking for a room for the night who ended up sleeping in a stable. They were just a hard-working, everyday young couple, just starting out in life, doing their best with what they had. Nobody special.

And yet, the story is laced with magic: a miraculous conception; angels appearing throughout the story, ensuring Mary and Joseph that this child was special, appearing to shepherds, singing praises of Hallelujah under a starlit canopy sky. Wise, spiritual leaders travelled from afar with expensive gifts fit for a king, guided by constellations and other portents of magic.

It’s an unbelievable story. Difficult to imagine. But the story of Christmas is our reminder that miracles do happen to the simplest of people. That in the dirt and grit of everyday life, magic exists to illuminate our path and show us the way.

May you find both this Christmas. In the midst of the shopping and baking and rushing about to prepare a celebration, may you find the magical moments: of laughter, of children, of quiet love shared with another. Our simple lives are filled with everyday magic if we just open our hearts and watch for it.

A Strand of Pearls

(The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book”10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss” soon to be published by Balboa Press, and available at local bookstores or on-line at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com):

I had a great discussion with my daughter and son-in-law the other day about living life to the fullest. Bill said: “Most people think they should live each day as if it is their last, when what they should be thinking is they should be living each day fully because death only has one day. You only have one day in your whole life to die and a multitude of days to live. So make that your focus.”

The two statements seem to be similar but, in essence, they’re not. The first statement “Live each day as if is your last” puts the focus on death and its power in your life. Your fear of it is what makes you live each day fully. Visually, it is a series of small connecting beads with a big, giant bead at the end.

ooooooooooO

The second statement “Live abundantly for all the days you are given for death, itself, only has one day” says it in a new way. Your life is filled with a multitude of days to live and just one day to die. So put your focus on the living days, not the one day death is given. Visually, it looks like a series of big rich full beads ending with a small one.

OOOOOOOOOOOOo

It’s a subtle but powerful difference. Death may seem a fearful outcome, but when we put it into perspective it is but a moment in our entire lives. So live your “wild and precious life” (Mary Oliver). Live every day of it. Let it be a strand of glistening pearls.

With Open Arms

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book “10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss” soon to be published by Balboa Press:

Whatever we face in life – debilitating disease, long-term illness or palliative care – I hope my story reminds you to live for the years, months, weeks that you have left. Don’t waste your days with panic and fear. Use your time to live as fully as you can. Be full of awareness, seeking those things that give you joy and satisfaction and pleasure. Be full of gratitude, not only for the life you have had but for a life that can still be full of abundance and true happiness.

Rather than focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Use the bodily functions and skills you still have to savour life and all its riches. For life is glorious. Open your arms wide and let life embrace you in a giant two-armed, full body hug.

We all need to be reminded to live life like this, and so, my story is really for all of us. If even the dying can live like this, in the face of certain death, then we all can. For we are all dying. Not one of us is going to avoid that certain end to our lives. So live the rest of your life. Really live it.

When we live abundantly, with arms wide open, we send that positive message out into the world. Kindness, gentleness, respect, raising each other up, optimism, joy, love, gratitude, care, fun, laughter, appreciation, sharing, helping each other through the difficult times, finding the magic in life, all become the natural manifestations of living with that open and generous spirit.

When we live with arms wide open, we invite others in. We drop our pride, our fear, our ego. It is an invitation for others to step over the threshold of our being and join with us in community, camaraderie, friendship, and love. When we live with arms wide open, we act as a conduit for our love, appreciation, goodness, and care of others.

Open arms choose life. Open arms aren’t afraid of death. We are always faced with both, but if we can lift each other up, we need have no fear of death, of failure. And, magically, beyond our logical understanding of it, God (the energy of the universe) moves through our lives, raising us up. We don’t have to fully understand it. We just need to open ourselves to ourselves, to that spirit within, to experience life’s magic and life’s abundant love.

In our lives, wherever we are, whatever we do, live abundantly and love completely. Embrace life with open arms. For open arms equally and simultaneously give and receive all of life’s gifts.

Looking Back

(The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book “10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss”, a cancer journey and a story of great love):

I sit back now and, four and a half years later, read my complete story for the first time. It always amazes me how everything looks so different with the passage of time. When we’re in the midst of a problem or issue in our lives, we can feel so lost and tangled, however, the passage of time gives us a frame to see it in an isolated view that allows us to be much more objective. We can look back and see how truly strong we were in a difficult time. We survived!

We learned how to live. There’s nothing like a terminal diagnosis to make you stand up and face your life head-on. It is a challenge to yield to the ravages of disease while living your life in the most wide awake, conscious, grab-a hold-of-it, fully alive way you can. It becomes a daily decision to keep living even as you are dying inside. We learned to be at peace, be curious, be loving, be grateful, and keep seeking new experiences in the stuff of everyday life. Never had the dew on the lawn sparkled more brightly, a friend’s smile seemed so warm and friendly, the sizzle of a summer barbecue smelled more tantalizing.

For those facing it, a terminal diagnosis can make one even more fully alive, for now you know that your unique and precious life is about to be taken away from you. So embrace it with gentle loving hands and pull it close in gratitude. Stand firm and say, “I’m not dead yet.”

And when it comes time to face that final moment, embrace it too with that same complete acceptance, knowing that our end is part of the natural process for all of us. It’s just another step along the way. But let it end with no regrets. Know that you have lived a complete and joyful life being curious, loving, happy, and appreciative of all you have been given.

When Tom was given his terminal cancer diagnosis, he courageously grabbed hold of his life and began to live it with joy, determination, and quality. It wasn’t a dramatic change. Rather, it was a quiet defiance that said, “I am going to live my ordinary life in the face of this disease that is trying its best to dominate and control my life.” And so, he got up every morning, he travelled, he went to concerts, he enjoyed time with family and friends. When he needed to, he rested, he retreated, and then he got up again the next morning to live his ordinary life. And just that quiet defiance that said, “I am going to live today” turned his ordinary life into an extraordinary life, one where every day counted.

So live your ordinary life. Make it extraordinary. Make every day count.

Suffering Loss

(The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book “10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss)

When we suffer a great loss – a loved one, a pet, a belonging, a relationship – it feels as if we lose a chunk of ourselves. Our identity and recognition of our personal self is so entwined with the “other” that we have no clear sense anymore of who we really are.

Birth itself is a push for separateness. The newborn baby emerges into the world alone, a unique individual. There will be many who walk the path of life with him/her but, once again, at death, he or she leaves behind loved ones and walks alone into the mystery of the afterlife.

We can walk parallel paths with others. We need not be alone. But we are separate and we need to explore and discover our individuality and self-worth independently. We can’t look to others to fulfill who we are and remain healthy and strong.

We need to find ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, our interests, our passions, and walk our path. A husband can’t be everything to a wife, a friend can’t be everything to another friend, a child can’t be everything to a parent.

Be thankful for the relationships in your life. But know yourself. Know that you are a unique “one” capable of standing strong when the storms of life leave you shaken and alone. You will survive. Find the inner you and begin the journey anew. A part of your physical world may be gone but the spiritual connection will always be present, with your memories and love and your very being. For the relationship with your loved one has transformed you and become a part of who you now are. And that will never be lost.

The difficulties in life can be, well – difficult. We wrap ourselves in the pain, burden ourselves with heavy loads, stand in the shadows, and trudge through life self-absorbed. But if our journey of negativity becomes a marathon, then bitterness sets in. We end up hurting ourselves. Rest when you need to, linger in the darkness for a while, but to benefit from those difficult times of our lives, we need to cast off the mantle of darkness. We need to step into the sunshine of life once again, stronger simply because we made it through the storm.

I wish you, my reader, faith, hope, and love. May you have courage, perseverance, persistence, and gratitude as you travel your journey in life.

Out of every loss, we have a new gain. Out of every ending, there is a new beginning. We can choose to look at our lives as a series of losses, or we can choose to look at our lives as a series of new beginnings.