Cottage Morning, Waterhouse Lake

I have just returned from the most restful, relaxing vacation I have ever had in my entire life. We had nine lovely days at my brother Peter’s and his wife Sharon’s lakeside home in Bancroft while they vacationed in Italy. Thank you, Peter and Sharon. Here’s a story I wrote in remembrance of our quiet days of peace and rejuvenation.

Cottage Morning, Waterhouse Lake by Barbara Heagy

They wake me. Their calls are wavering across the lake. I open my eyes and raise the window blind. I see them. They have arrived once again with daybreak. Normally, their eerie calls are short-lived, wild wails, mournful modulations, but this morning they have something more to say. Their talk continues and I get up and go out to see what all the commotion is about.

Five adult loons splash about on the water, dive and recover, hoot to each other, and flash their wings with a tail rattle that sprays droplets into the morning mist. One of them begins to run across the surface, churning up circles of water, wings flapping, as it prepares for takeoff with a running start. Then up, up into the sky, it circles the lake and lands once again with a smooth coasting splash to join the others.

Again, the cacophony continues. Laughing, chortling, a breaking yodel of bird voices, they are a playful party, a mad choir in 5-part harmony. What are they about this morning? We have seen these five this week but never like this. Their song and play goes on for almost a half-hour. Such beauty to the eyes and ears as they romp about in the rising mist. Then, it seems the gathering is over. One by one they retreat to further shores and the lake is quiet once again.

But nature is not done celebrating. The flowers are full of morning dew, reaching, straining to catch the warming sun as it rises in the sky. Orange, red, yellow, pink petals call to the hummingbirds, “Breakfast time.” And they come from their tree-top nests hungry and ready for a new day. There are at least six of them. Although it is difficult to tell. They flash about, whirling and twirling doing aerial acrobatics that amaze and dumbfound as they juggle for space at the three feeders that my brother has erected for them. Extremely territorial, they claim their space boldly and unendingly. It is a dance as they gyrate, and do-si-do, spinning like little helicopters, zipping and zinging as they chase each other back and forth. They are blazing whirligigs, shimmering jewels with iridescent green feathers and ruby throats. Tirelessly they fly about all day long, entertaining and amusing us with their wondrous circus act.

I walk down to the dock, coffee in hand, and just sit. And watch. A small little head pops up just off-shore and I know that the local turtle is checking me out before it dives back down into the cool, deeper waters. This morning there are three of them, one much bigger than the others. The small ones are painted with hints of orange and yellow on the edges of their smooth green backs. The larger one might be a snapping turtle but he seems to mean me no harm. After all, this is his home and I am just a visitor. A quiet one at that.

My fishing pole is sitting on the dock, daring me to make a cast, see if you can catch a fish it says. Harold did. The first day, his third cast, he latched onto a rather large pike. He called out to me, “Bring the camera” and I ran down to the shore, barefoot and eager to see what he had on his line. “Wait, wait until I’m ready. Okay, bring it up.” Snap went the line, swinging like a wet noodle in the empty air. But “Look. He’s right there in the water.” We peeked over the edge of the dock to see a good two foot pike just sitting there in the shallow water, stunned perhaps, a lure still stuck in his mouth, unmoving. For a moment, I looked away, then back, and he was gone. That fish gave us hope. Where there’s one, there will be another. But although we fished every day at different times of the day, we never got another bite. I try again this morning, but to no avail. It’s fun and a challenge just to try; balance a rod in your hand, release the reel, swing your arm and line back, snap it forward and watch your lure soar over the surface and land with a plop in the water with a perfect aim, right where you wanted it to be. Turn the reel handle, the bail clicks, and the line returns smoothly, slowly back to you, cruising the underwater depths as you hope for that sudden yank and taut line that signals a fish has taken your bait. But not this morning and that’s okay.

I turn from the lake and head back up over the dock. A morning glimmer catches my eye. At the edge of the dock where the platform joins the walkway, I see a beautiful web, full of dew and glistening in the sun. I take a picture with my camera, mesmerized by its perfect symmetry and intricate patterns. I turn and then I see another. And another. And another. The shallows are full of shining spider webs, caught between grasses and weeds, woven wonders that thrill and delight. This one looks like a giant suspension bridge strung between thin reeds. That one looks like the glowing sail of a ship. There’s one that looks like a slingshot full of sticky strings ready to nab its prey. One of them connects grassy stalk after stalk with flowing, drooping, connecting lines, moving like interlocking tightropes that flow on and on above the water. Such beauty.

I chase the dragonflies hoping for a photo. They have their own agenda, gliding, bouncing off the surface of the lake, avoiding the sudden slurp as a fish rises hopeful for breakfast. Sometimes they land on the dock or the shoreline grasses. They allow me a quick glimpse into their transparent beauty, wings like clear stained glass windows, bodies of vibrant colours, red, green, turquoise.

I return to the patio and take a seat. I am learning to just sit and wait and watch. Nature will provide some quiet spectacle. This morning, it’s a little more than that. A flock of noisy grackles arrives in a burst of squawking birds, sharp calls, and flapping wings. There’s about thirty of them. They fly about from grass to trees, chasing each other, in zig-zag lines of chaos and clamour. They upset the other birds. The flickers in the tall spruce jump from branch to branch, piercing the air with their high-pitched squeal. This is their territory and they seem fearful of these invaders. The blue jay, guardian of the forest, calls out warnings in its ear-splitting scream. The grackles continue to chatter and chase, owning the space. I stand and move toward the lawn and they retreat to the next door neighbour’s grassy areas. The other birds slowly settle down.

I walk to the base of the flickers’ tree and there on the ground is a small gift, a bright yellow, brown and white feather, a wing feather perhaps, knocked loose in the fearful kerfuffle. A few more steps and I find another prize, a blue jay feather, indigo and black, tipped with a shot of white. I say a little prayer of gratitude for this morning performance where I was granted a free, front row seat.

I breathe and count my blessings, thankful for these moments of rest and relaxation full of nature’s quiet drama and wonders. I close my eyes and lean back. Time for another coffee. Perhaps in a few minutes.

The Bonding Power of Music

“Music has a bonding power, it’s primal social cement.”
~Oliver Sacks

There we were. Our bottoms planted on the upper bleachers of the stadium, the roof of the dome wide open, the sky and stars above us, surrounded by 50,000 people sharing in a symbiotic joyful experience with internationally acclaimed musician Ed Sheeran.

I thought about the great effort we had put into getting to that show. My daughter Lara waited online months before to ensure getting a pair of tickets for the two of us. We had left hours earlier the day of the show and fought traffic for 2 ½ hours in a jammed commute that should have taken 1 hour. Searching busy streets for parking, walking cement ramps and stairs to get to the top level of seating in the huge Rogers Centre, hunting for food and washrooms. Waiting in lines with hundreds of other people. It was quite the effort. It wasn’t easy. But, oh, when we were finally there and the sun was setting and people were gathering, and the stage was glowing with colourful visuals on giant screens. Excitement was building!

A countdown began, . . . 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, . . . and the music exploded as the concert began. As the evening of great music progressed, I thought about the energy Ed and crew were putting into his 2 ¼ hour live show, sharing his talent, his tunes, and his very spirit with us. Inviting us to participate with him, cheering, clapping, screaming, singing, dancing. I looked at the gigantic set of cranes and screens, and listened and watched the high tech’ output before me and thought about the amount of creativity and work that had gone into creating this experience. For all of us. Not just the audience.

I realized that a live performance of music is a true coming together of creators and participators. We each had done our part to be there that night and communally participate in an experience that uplifted and bonded us together as one. For a few hours we all escaped our normal lives and were taken out of ourselves as we came together for this magical union. Connected. The same heart, the same spirit. Music has the power do that.

Google Yourself – Be Surprised

Every once in a while, it pays to check yourself out on Google, especially if you are an author/writer. In 2015, I published my book “10 – A Story of Life, Loss, and Life” through Balboa Press, the self-publishing branch of Hay House Publishing. This week I checked my book out online and found that it was offered on many sites throughout the world.

You can order my book through Google Books, Chapters Indigo, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon where it has a 4.6/5 rating. It’s available in Kindle, paperback, or hard cover versions. What surprised me the most was you can also order it through online companies around the world: Waterstones (England/Wales), Thrift Books (USA), Booktopia (Australia), adlibris.com (Sweden), libreriauniversitaria.it (an Italian company based in El Salvador), Rakuten Kobo (USA) and the French Friac.

That’s heartening to know that my book is still out there and available to so many people. It’s not making me rich but that wasn’t the reason I published it. This was a book to honour Tom, my deceased husband, and to offer hope and comfort to others who may be going through a great loss themselves.

Of course, you can always come out to Wellington County Museum & Archives this Saturday, June 10, 11 – 4, and buy a signed copy in person from me. Hope to see you there. https://www.wellington.ca/…/wellington-county-writers

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words

Spanish painter Salvador DALI. “Dali Atomicus.” 1948.

For the last month I have been working on my presentation to my Photo Club titled “Photography and Storytelling.” It’s been fun and enriching to research photos, memes, and photo essays and learn how photographers consider a number of elements to create pictures that tell us a story through methodical and deliberate compositions.

One of the most interesting and imaginative photos that I came across was this one of the artist Salvador Dali taken by photographer Philippe Halsman in 1948 titled Dali Atomicus.

This photo was taken before digital photography and photoshop. The props needed to be suspended with wires, the chair was held in place by an assistant, three cats were thrown into the picture along with a bucket of water and Dali had to jump into the air, all simultaneously at the appropriate time. It took 28 attempts to get this iconic picture that indeed captures the essence of Dali himself.

Indeed, “A picture is worth 1000 words.”

Who Counts As Family?

I am presently taking a genealogy course to trace my family line. Yesterday we registered with Ancestry.ca and I have begun creating my family tree.

I quickly realized that it seems to be set up for direct blood lines. My family is not that simple. My father passed away when I was 7 years old, mom remarried, and my new dad legally adopted us and, within a few years, I had two new brothers, one passed, one still alive.

My mother and new dad divorced years later and Dad remarried. I now have a whole new family of sisters and a brother, nieces and nephews. Later, I divorced and remarried and, once again, the family expanded.

Doing my family tree, I have asked myself “Who counts as family?” Even though we may not be related through direct blood lineage, my new family members are truly family to me.

From Familyhistorydaily.com – “In our daily lives, family often has less to do with biological or legal connections and more to do with personal relationships. Those people who are intimate parts of our lives, who we love and care for, who care for us, are our family. What makes a mother, father, sibling, child, grandchild is seldom straightforward.”

I’m hoping as I delve further into my family tree that there will be options to break out into all directions. For after all, family are tied together with far more than just blood and DNA. Love and commitment are binding glue that hold us together throughout our lives.

This is Our Time

When I joined the local Seniors’ Centre after retirement, I met many new women and men through the local clubs and activities. This is a place for strong, vital people who want the stimulation and surprises an active life still offers to those who seek it. They are interested and interesting.

The women are feisty. I put it down to having a lifetime of succumbing to other’s needs and demands, always playing second fiddle, and denying their own requirements and desires. Now, at this time of their life, they find themselves released from all those pressures and they aren’t going to do it anymore. This is a time for them.

The men seem chilled, calm. Perhaps they, too, are tired of life’s demands on them to support, guide, lead, be the boss, the one in charge. They are glad to release the reins of power to another. This is a time for them.

Our twilight years offer us a freedom from all the duties and obligations we have had for most of our lives. Children are grown, the nest is empty; jobs are complete, retirement beckons. This is a time for us, a time for women and men to live their best lives. We still have time.

Writing Your Life Story

Back in September 2022, I joined a local Memoir Writers’ Club that meets weekly. The focus is on writing our life stories as an autobiography, written in chronological order.  Jennifer, our group leader, wrote her own memoir during COVID isolation and felt that perhaps others would like to record their life story. She felt led to offer her experience and guide other seniors through the process.

I joined the club because I had a memoir-in-progress titled “For the Love of Food – Family Edition” and wanted the company of other writers for feedback and encouragement. I have been working on my memoir/cookbook for about a year now and am now about ½ way through it. It is unusual, not your standard memoir, but I feel led to write it in this form and am enjoying it immensely.  I truly see food as a love language and I can see how food has shaped my life through five generations of my family. I am aiming to publish it for a public market. I am continuing with my book, in my own way, but I do enjoy our class and don’t mind writing on the topics suggested by Jennifer. My book has and will be taking a totally different form than what she has suggested to other club members but I have still found our class to be of value to me. The stories bring back many memories and are good writing practice.

I think our class is very special. There is definitely a desire for all of us to record our stories. I think the reasons for writing our life stories may differ and, perhaps, some may not even know why they want to write, and yet the need and desire is there. Some write because their family has requested it. Some may write truly for themselves as an assessment of their own lives. We all want to know our lives matter. We want to know we left a mark. We value our memories and want a record of them left behind. Perhaps our families are not the least bit interested in reading them at this time but, one never knows, there may come a day when they are glad to have the stories and the information and memories they contain. I know my own daughters didn’t value their old journals from school but as they aged and had children of their own, now they do. Perhaps some day our stories may be of value and interest and be read by many others as snapshots from the past.

There is no doubt that there is a close bond that has been built in our group. I keep attending and writing, even though I won’t be publishing my stories in the way suggested. I love hearing other’s stories and sharing our lives. I love story! And we all have them. We all think, “I have nothing of interest to others” but, in the end, we do. Sharing our simple memorable moments is a wonderful way to share our lives and identify with each other or learn new things. Even if we all visit Paris, we each will have a unique story to tell about it from our own perspective. There is value in that.

Thank you, Jennifer, for your gentle and encouraging guidance. You have given us an opportunity to remember our lives and share them with others. I have a new group of friends. It’s what keeps us coming.

Mad as a Hatter

I’ve always been intrigued with the history of common everyday expressions and idioms. I came across an article in an online article in Pocket Worthy titled “Everyday Sayings Explained” put together by Stylist Team as gathered from Phrase Finder.

We’ve all heard these phrases which we liberally use in our everyday language — “Hold a candle to . . . The hair of the dog that bit you . . . A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

One such phrase is “Mad as a Hatter.” It originates from the 18th century. Hat makers used to use mercury in the forming of their hats as it bonded the felt into a tighter firmer mat. The mercury, however, was a poison that affected the nervous system of the hat makers and caused them to go mad.

In the book “Alice in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll, the illustration of the Mad Hatter shows a 10/6 on his hat which is the price of his hat, 10 shillings 6 pence. For fun, some celebrate National Mad Hatter Day which is held on October 6.

Google Phrase Finder to find the story behind many more of our common sayings.

Alone, Again. Christmas Grief.

There is a burden of grief that hangs on my heart this holiday season. I feel it everywhere. It’s in the grocery store as I go down the aisle, I feel it on the streets, I sense it in the air around me. It’s almost palpable. A tension, a fear, a sadness, worry.  I look into the face of a friend and I feel it’s heaviness as he faces a Christmas alone. I hear it in the voice of another who isn’t so sure what her Christmas will be like this year.

The pandemic had its own horrors and grief as we were all forced into isolation. Many of us sat alone, unable to see and hug our own family, our own friends. Many of our loved ones died, quarantined in hospitals or nursing homes and we were not allowed to say our goodbyes in person. Funerals became small and private or not at all, with only a public announcement in social media for most family and friends. We all faced that collective misery together but at least we were all facing it the same. As the saying goes, “Misery loves company.”

Now the pandemic has eased its stranglehold and things have opened up. People are gathering as groups again for inside events. Plans are being made for traditional Christmas celebrations and there is joy and excitement at the thoughts of gathering together once again after two years of “bubbles” and masks.

But there are those that are still isolated and alone as others ramp up their joy and holiday plans. Some still are faced with their solitude and absence. For those, life has not returned with its business and plans. And they grieve. And this year, I feel the grief has doubled because of what we have been denied the last two years. The pandemic has intensified it. Being alone becomes loneliness.

Let us remember those for who Christmas will not be noisy and joyful and full of people. Make that phone call. Drop off that unexpected present. Visit for a short time. Bring over that plate of turkey and stuffing. Share a moment. Share the joy.

Merry Christmas to all.

Dance Lives In Me

The drummer in the corner kept the beat, a syncopated rhythm that began to find its way into my body. A heartbeat. Breathe in, breathe out.

“. . . 5, 6 7, 8, . . . “ the teacher called.

The dancers began picking up the beat, moving across the floor. Right foot, left foot, step, pause, step, pause. Arms extended outwards, wing-like, palms down, palms up, repeat, repeat, again and again. Upper body arching, look down, look up, see the earth, see the sky. Feet, arms, torso, eyes, caught in the rhythm, the body flowing, lost in the driving drum beat that kept us dancing. Heart, breath, body, as one.

Then suddenly, it all changed. On the next upswing my body became charged, pure energy poured out of me like a spotlight searching upwards for its mark. Its beam shot into the universe.

Judy, my teacher, yelled out, “Beautiful!”

I knew she meant it for me. She saw it. Somehow, it transformed me. My body dropped down with the next beat and as quickly as it had come, it was gone. The magic disappeared.

I stood in the corner of the room, the dance over, but my body still reverberated with that glorious experience of light where I became a conduit for a beam of energy that came from . . . where?
What just happened to me? Where did that come from?

And, just like that, I was hooked and I knew I would spend the rest of my life searching for that magic once again, hoping to find it, control it, use it to consciously express an art form that I was only just a novice in.

That day, I became a dancer.

I learned to use space, body, action, time, and energy to express my feelings and create dances and theatre pieces with movement and the body, the way an artist expresses their passion with paints and brushes, or a writer brings their thoughts and ideas to life with words.

For years, I studied contemporary dance and ballet, even for a period, classical East Indian dance. I learned a deep awareness of my body and its natural power. I learned to refine my movements, to strengthen and control my form. Through improvisation, I learned to trust the natural flow of the spirit, to allow it to find its own life within. I learned the art of choreography and was able to perform with a professional company for six years until the responsibility of a young family drew me home.

And yet, the passion was still strong. Where else but through dance can one fly or throw your energy to the stars, connect to the earth as a tree connects to the soil, and join with another’s soul?

I carried on teaching dance and performed my own works as a solo artist and with my young protegees wherever and whenever I could. I had taught dance for over fifteen years until I decided that at age 37, it was time for something different and I returned to university for a Bachelor of Education degree. I continued to perform but left the dance studio and focused my energies toward my own artistic projects and my school.

But the seeds of creativity had been planted deep and 11 years later, I was accepted to York University for a Master of Arts, Dance major. Now, once again, it was for me, just me. I continued to teach at my elementary school but dance bubbled up once again inside.

After retirement, my older body sought a new way of moving and Nia dance and conscious dance became vehicles to go deep within to my natural energy source, to find a technique that honoured who I had become. Once again, I re-visited improvisation, free flow, deep body awareness, and connection with others on the dance floor.

Today, dance continues to live within me. I am a dancer.